Creating theatre is not an option for me. In my adult post-school "real world" life, I have had moments of "doing a ton of theatre" and "haven't done theatre in forever".
There's a phrase, "on the backburner." Well, there have been times where theatre wasn't on the backburner, it was placed in a Tupperware container and placed in the freezer. In these moments, symptoms like depression and anxiety crawled into my life in such a way that my life had become nothing more than wake up, go to work, go home and sleep. I felt lost and purposeless.
When I am creating, however, I have been able to endure some pretty difficult life circumstances. They were bearable because I was still in the creative arena, doing what I felt called to do. I had purpose. Sometimes, I feel words like purpose or calling are excuses for holding onto a direction in life that is impractical, aren't productive to society After all, no one feels their purpose is to be a janitor, right?
There is a lot of shame around being an artist of any medium. When I chose to study theatre in college, a high school teacher proclaimed, "you're throwing your life away!" I also have heard so many young adults shy away from a career in their arts because they've been told they need to find a more practical job.
Luckily I have had extremely supportive family and friends. But there are definitely times when I've had to think long and hard about this choice of a life path.
Creating Conduit Theatre has allowed me to become even more specific about my path. What do I want to add to the world?
First, I want a vibrant arts community. I want to do my part to foster and develop Grand Forks. Street performers, clowns, acrobatic troupes, and so much more.
I want to make Grand Forks a destination city for small to medium sized performances by drawing upon an international network to invite to the city. Vice versa, I want to be an ambassador of Grand Forks in the international theatre community.
I want to use theatre as a tool to help individuals and organizations. To do this I want to create work which speaks in the realm of the heart, and not the intellect. I want to cultivate compassion by stripping away words and ideas which form the mortar and brick walls separating us and revealing the emotional truths of the human spirit which are the same in each and everyone of us.
Without connecting people together through this specific medium, I feel lost..